This morning was just like any other morning in my house. Hellbird came back to cawk at my window, except this time it wasn’t ready for the shoe I chucked at it. I didn’t hit it to my dismay, however, I had to walk myself outside in my pajamas to go get it. So I wasn’t super happy about that. Anyway, I walked back inside and headed back upstairs to change little miss moshpits diaper and get her ready for breakfast. My oldest, well he was still asleep soundly. I’m assuming he got up sometime in the middle of the night and attempted to play Call of Duty: BlackOps 3, because it was on his monitor. To include; he was just as confused about it being there when he woke up five minutes later.
So all of us head downstairs and start to get breakfast ready. As always, mini me is put in her highchair, which faces the front of the TV, as I prepare her breakfast of eggs and fruit. Lucky for me, Peg + Cat is on and she’s just belly laughing away. Guess she decided to like it this morning, because yesterday it was a no-go. I began cutting up her strawberries and Splash and Bubbles comes on and the house erupts in belly laughter and sing-a-longs. I decided to go ahead and join in on the fun and sing as well. Apparently me not knowing the words triggered both of my kids and the Children of the Corn death stare began. I froze in fear, apologized, and continued cutting up the strawberries while they continued to sing.
I walk over to her and dump her food on her tray. She paid me absolutely no mind and continued to clap, laugh and dance to Splash and Bubbles. I went to give her a kiss on the head and that was a no-go, as she just mushed my face away and screamed at me. I smiled and just went back into the kitchen to get my morning cup of joe. Both kids happy, stuffing their faces, while I fed my face with coffee at my computer desk.
My oldest slurped down his slimey oatmeal and darted upstairs to play on the Playstation. He slithered his way out of school by doing the dishes and taking out the trash, so I guess it evened out. Anyway, I hear mini me behind me rocking and dancing away to Splash and Bubbles outro, just as happy as can be. Then it started. Sesame Street came on the TV and she was beyond enthralled at the big red puppet of Satan laughing, giggling and tickling in front of her very eyes. She didn’t dare move, or it would have been over in a heartbeat.
I’m over at my computer desk replying to emails and Facebook messages, when all of a sudden the word of the day music comes across the speakers. She giggles for only a second and then let out the most horrific and low growled “ah” I have ever heard from her. I very quickly turned off Spotify and rolled around to see what was going on. She looked at me, her eyes full of tears, bottom lip poked out. I sat in my chair afraid for dear life and what semblance of a peaceful morning I was on the path of having.
“What’s wrong chunky?”
Her bottom lip still poked out, this time tears are falling down her face. I’m still in my chair confused as to what in the world is going on–so I look at the TV to see what may have possibly pissed her off. They were on the letter N today, when usually it’s the letter E. She looked back at the TV and demon screamed as if she was being murdered. Then looked back at me, mouth wide open, full breath hold, tears rolling down her face. Then it happened. She released the breath and let out the most terrifying guttural cry scream. I didn’t know whether to try and comfort her or go find a Bible.
I quickly yanked my headset off and ran over to her, slipping on a fallen strawberry in the process, to try and comfort her. She was not under any circumstance trying to have that. She continued to scream and push me away as if I was a complete stranger. At this point, I’m virtually in tears because I feel like I’m the most hated being on the face of the Earth.
Once again Elmo comes on the screen and it was as if a demon didn’t possess her, as she was all belly laughs and giggles. The tears weren’t even dry on her face yet. I started looking around for some Holy Water in the event she was actually possessed, because God knows that’s what it seemed like. So I quietly turned around and walked back towards my computer desk. I grabbed the head of my chair to roll it backwards when she started cry screaming again. Arms flying everywhere, legs kicking and pointing like a ballerina. I turned around once more to see what happened and was greeted by her eyes filled with tears, mouth wide open, but there was no sound.
I quickly braced for the hellacious cry she was about to release, and I’m so glad I did, because it was so loud my son came running down the stairs full Mad Max wanting to know what was going on. I look up at the TV and Elmo, that horrible horrible puppet, was off the screen. Mini me, in full galactic battle meltdown, kept turning and looking at the TV to see if Elmo came back on. Every time she looked to check and he wasn’t there, the screams got louder, the tears more pronounced, and the breath holds more apparent.
My oldest was trying his hardest to make her laugh, so the meltdown stopped, but she wasn’t stopping. He just looked at me and said, “Good luck Mom,” and ran upstairs in a fury of flying feet. I just glared at the empty staircase, praying that he would come back down so I could yell at him. When he didn’t, I started running around my living room trying to find the remote to our Android box. Mini me still in full otherwordly meltdown, screaming and guttural howling because Elmo disappeared.
After a few mintues, and stubbing every toe possible in my rapid search, I finally found it. I began scrolling through trying to find Sesame Street or something Elmo related. Chunky at this point has her head all the way back, screaming and flopping her arms wildly. I finally found Elmo’s World and turned it on. The moment that little red furry thing of Satan came on the screen, she started clapping and belly laughing away.
I just plopped on my couch, put it on repeat, and sighed a breath of relief. Slowly beginning to hate Elmo and everything it represents more and more as the minutes turned into hours. As for her, she was just as happy as could be.
Watching Elmo on the TV.